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How to get over low self-esteem

A while back I was listening to a radio show where a psychologist was on talking about self-esteem. I thought it was a bit odd since this particular station had more of an alternative/rock genre but I kept listening. The good doctor had a few good points on how to boost your self-esteem that are worth sharing.

Be specific

First of all, realize that if you have general low self-esteem, you’re not being specific enough. I know that sounds weird, but bear with me.

Nobody is bad at everything. If you feel like you’re completely worthless, you’re not looking at yourself hard enough. Guess what? You’re probably bad at certain things. Really bad. Horrible. You may even be the worst person in the world at doing something.

But that’s also the good news.

Identify what it is you have low self-esteem about. And your answer can’t be “myself” or “everything.” Just like nobody should have high self-esteem about everything, you shouldn’t have low self-esteem about everything either. So be honest with yourself. What’s getting you down? Now think, “Sweet. I don’t suck at everything, I just suck at these things.”

Odd? Perhaps. But hopefully you’ve just changed your mindset from “I suck” to “I suck at these things.” Think about it. There’s a big difference between those two statements.

Choose your battles

Congratulations. You now know what you’re not good at/feel bad about. Again, identifying those things is healthy because you’re focusing on specifics instead of the generalization of, “I suck.” And because you now know those things, you can make a plan of attack to improve yourself in those areas.

If you want to.

You see, I could make a very, very long list of things I’m not good at and that could lower my self-esteem if I were to dwell on them. Guess what?  Most of those things aren’t worth my time. Sure, I could make a plan to improve in those areas but I know I’m not going to be good at everything so I’d much rather focus my energies on the areas in which I can excel. Some might say that’s an excuse not to try. I say it’s picking your battles.

So figure out which areas are most important to you (I’d say limit it to one or two) and make a determination to make improvements in those areas.

Your plan of attack

OK. So you’ve identified which areas you want to improve your self-esteem. The rest of the things that you might catch yourself dwelling on are shoved away and you’re focused on what you can, and have chosen to, influence.

So what do you need to do to improve in those areas? Overweight? Underweight? Throw out your junk food and hit the gym. Feel overwhelmed intellectually? Start by taking an evening college course after work. Don’t feel like you have a lot of friends? Make a goal to reach out and be a friend to someone instead of waiting for someone to reach out to you.

Keep track of your progress in your specific areas. Set up reasonable goals and reward yourself for reaching them. My wife is big on star charts. You know – the grid with goals down one side and a time line across the top. Then put those little star stickers you got in elementary school up when you achieve something. Goofy? A bit. But it’s a fun way to monitor your progress. Post it somewhere you can see it often.

Don’t forget the bright side

Remember in the beginning how I said nobody’s bad at everything, just as nobody’s good at everything? That means you have some things you have good self-esteem about. Woo-hoo! Figure out what those things are and start doing them more often. Enjoy them. Revel in them. Don’t get cocky, but don’t deny yourself the pleasure of a job well done in one of those areas.

In review

1. It’s perfectly OK to have low self-esteem about certain things – just not you as a whole.

2. Figure out what, specifically, you have low self-esteem about.

3. Pick your battles – do these things really matter?

4. Take the things that do matter and that you want to work on and figure out your plan of attack.

5. Remember the things you’re good at too!

What are your thoughts on improving self-esteem? Please let me know in the comments.

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In interest of full disclosure, I’m not a doctor of any kind. If you have severe issues with self-esteem and/or depression, see a licensed doctor. This post was inspired by an interview of Doctor Matt on 101.9 FM. You can reach Dr. Matt at askdrmatt@yahoo.com. Photo courtesy of here.

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 at 6:59 am and is filed under Gratitude, Perspective, Work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.