One phrase that will keep the peace in your home: Let’s fight about it
4 comments so far
It’s easy to lose focus in the moment and think things are more important than they really are: stupid disagreements can flare up into arguments, which can quickly lead to shouting matches. I would imagine you have either participated in, or an observer to, a conversation like this:
Wife: Did you talk to the Whites about dinner plans for Saturday?
Husband: No. Was I supposed to?
Wife: I asked you to do it on Monday.
Husband: You did? I don’t remember that…
Wife: Yeah. I did.
Husband: Sorry, but I really don’t think you told me.
Wife: I told you right after…
At this point each person is clearly getting annoyed and things could start to get a little heated. Then one person says, “Let’s fight about it.”
I know it seems odd but I’ve heard people around me say “let’s fight about it” and it almost immediately diffuses the situation. It puts the what you’re “talking” about in perspective. Is it worth fighting about? Most of the time when you stop and think about it, it seems a bit silly.
I can think of a number of situations where seemingly little things can, for whatever reason, cause people to get a little hot under the collar:
- Missing an exit or turn while driving (bad copilot!)
- Not putting the seat and mirrors back after driving someone else’s car
- Debating the rules for board games
- Closing doors properly
- Forgetting to return a movie (late fees!)
- Inappropriate ways to fold laundry
- Setting something to record on TiVo, and having your spouse delete it so she can record a Food Network show. (I had to include this. Dear, I love you.)
I’m sure everyone could add a scenario or two to the list (feel free to do so in the comments) and when we stand back and look at it objectively, the idea of getting upset over them does seem a little ridiculous.
Yet, in the heat of the moment we allow our emotions to cloud our better judgement, placing these truly insignificant things over the peace in our home and the feelings of the people around us. Which is more important? Having to readjust the seat in your car or not having contention in your home? Popping off with the comment, “Let’s fight about it” is simple way to quickly help those involved put things in the proper perspective.
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Friday, April 11th, 2008 at 12:55 pm and is filed under Family, Home, Perspective. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Dave, why didn’t you talk to us about dinner plans?? My heart hurts.
The dishwasher seems to be a big one.
Husband cleans up after dinner (happens in my house ALL the time), and then starts putting dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher.
Wife goes over, opens the dishwasher, and starts rearranging thing to make them fit.
Husband gets upset “why do you always do that?”
Wife: “do what?”
Husband: “rearrange things. I had them in there just fine.”
Wife: “I just rearranged things so they’d fit. See, look, I got all the dishes in so there’s nothing in the sink.”
Husband: “I guess I just can’t do anything right”
Wife, trying not to roll her eyes: “no, honey, it’s just that I’m a better dishwasher packer than you are. You do a great job packing the car when we go camping or on a road trip. This is just something I’m better at than you are.”
Somehow, that didn’t diffuse the situation. Not sure why ;-P
Now I wait until he walks away to rearrange the dishes. Really, I’m just a better dishwasher packer!
Rae - The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Margi - Great example/story! It has a certain familiarity to it… :)
I think that, too often, we fight with each other while thinking, in our heads, that we are “talking” or “discussing”. This allows things to escalate without either party having to accept responsibility for the escalation. You are right on target that using the word “fight” brings instant perspective to the situation. Sometimes you can’t ask that question, for whatever reason. It’s during those times that I use this alternative:)